I haven't been feeling well. Not just mood-wise, but I've been coughing and sneezing and fatigued. I'm not saying I'm sick, but I'm not necessarily thinking about blogging, either. So the other day, I jump in the shower right after I've dropped my son off at school, just to make sure I have time to nap before I pick him up, and make sure it's a GOOD nap, too. Then I hear an engine outside, car doors, then footsteps to my door, knocking in a somewhat jaunty and confident fashion . . .
My dog is barking at this point, and I wonder for a few moments if I can wait it out, and these people I probably don't know will leave, when the doorbell rings, my dog goes ballistic, and I know the nap is officially postponed. When I see the outline of a badge on someone's chest through the glass in the door, I know for SURE the nap is postponed.
I answer, and it's two BOUNTY HUNTERS! WTF? Right? I mean, I am the most BORING person you could meet, so I know there's no way they are looking for me. They ask if I know Blanky Blank, and I say no, then ask if I've ever seen her, show me a picture to which I answer no. They look confused, sure I must know this person, but I tell them I don't. They ask who I am, how long I've lived here, if I rent or own, and realize I'm telling the truth, I don't know the woman they are looking for. And she drives a similar car to me, to add to the confusion.But then it dawns on me that I get tons of phone calls for the woman who used to live here, and even though they must have had a different phone number, mine is now associated with this address and prone to having bill collectors find it. So apparently she's in some kind of financial difficulties. I ask the last name again, and it matches. It's her sister!
So I give them every detail I know, even give them old mail that wasn't forwarded, tell them the house I saw them walk over to, everything I can think of. They say her sister is wanted in three states and in Canada for identity theft and fraud. Wow. Hope they catch her. The men also warn me to check my own credit, that she's just that crafty. And her sister doesn't sound so trustworthy, either. Great. Just great. Did I pick the right address or what?
But I tell you, I had the most interesting Facebook status update for the day! ;)
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Pick me up . . .
Know what's funny? I am probably one of the few people in the world who does NOT enjoy soda or cola of any kind. Really don't like it much. I can easily pass it up. I know people who are hooked on Diet Coke, and rarely drink anything else, even water! But it really isn't any treat for me. I can pass. Coffee I like. Tea now and then. But not soda.
At the moment, though, I'm hooked on ginger ale! Yum! Maybe it's the ginger zing, I don't know! :) I really like ginger, and ginger lemonade is the best! I found I like the Jamaican style ginger ale more than regular Canada Dry, but I'll take it anyway! :) Just something that's been a little pick me up lately.
Other than that, I'm pretty friggin' lonely. Waiting for some new friendships to build on. But I'm also nervous about jumping in and opening myself up for more disappointment and putting my son through emotional commitments that don't pan out. It's hard for him because he makes friends with MY friends, and it's sad when they disappear. He doesn't get it, why mommy just thinks someone is nuts and needs to be out of our lives. So when my most recent close friend decided she was angry at me for something I didn't do, I was fine with it. Good, bye-bye. Not to say our friendship hadn't meant anything to me, because that's not true. But she had made me feel like I was never good enough, and for someone with low self-esteem, that's never good. Just made me feel good long enough for her to take her frustrations out on me, then apologize enough to do it all over again. When I finally got out from under that spell, I was relieved to say the least. But now I want to be careful when choosing someone to build a friendship with, and I know it's hard to do that in such a technical, non-emotional manner. I just can't take "crazy" right now. Crazy as I might be, I'm all I can handle right now.
I used to think I related to people with mental problems more than "regular" people. But I've since recognized that probably EVERYONE has some sort of mental problem, some just aren't diagnosed, and some are probably just not severe enough to interfere with their normal functioning. So that former distinction doesn't seem to apply right now. I just need to find people to bring close to me who don't bring me down but build me up. I'm at a state where I need to do some serious healing. And I've put myself off way too long.
Thanks for reading.
At the moment, though, I'm hooked on ginger ale! Yum! Maybe it's the ginger zing, I don't know! :) I really like ginger, and ginger lemonade is the best! I found I like the Jamaican style ginger ale more than regular Canada Dry, but I'll take it anyway! :) Just something that's been a little pick me up lately.
Other than that, I'm pretty friggin' lonely. Waiting for some new friendships to build on. But I'm also nervous about jumping in and opening myself up for more disappointment and putting my son through emotional commitments that don't pan out. It's hard for him because he makes friends with MY friends, and it's sad when they disappear. He doesn't get it, why mommy just thinks someone is nuts and needs to be out of our lives. So when my most recent close friend decided she was angry at me for something I didn't do, I was fine with it. Good, bye-bye. Not to say our friendship hadn't meant anything to me, because that's not true. But she had made me feel like I was never good enough, and for someone with low self-esteem, that's never good. Just made me feel good long enough for her to take her frustrations out on me, then apologize enough to do it all over again. When I finally got out from under that spell, I was relieved to say the least. But now I want to be careful when choosing someone to build a friendship with, and I know it's hard to do that in such a technical, non-emotional manner. I just can't take "crazy" right now. Crazy as I might be, I'm all I can handle right now.
I used to think I related to people with mental problems more than "regular" people. But I've since recognized that probably EVERYONE has some sort of mental problem, some just aren't diagnosed, and some are probably just not severe enough to interfere with their normal functioning. So that former distinction doesn't seem to apply right now. I just need to find people to bring close to me who don't bring me down but build me up. I'm at a state where I need to do some serious healing. And I've put myself off way too long.
Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Ponderings on Insanity
Didn't I say I was a bad blogger? I did, didn't I? Well, yeah. I'm just not very consistent, am I? Maybe inconsistency is my consistency, if that makes any sense! Ha! Life intervenes, usually. I seldom participate in my hobbies anymore, but a lot of why I think I CAN'T is probably in my head. I could if I made the time somehow. I think I usually think I SHOULD be doing something else, so I don't do the things I enjoy. I often feel guilt when I make time for myself. I'm not trying to rant and berate myself, it's just something I've been working on, to realize when my feelings are justified and when they are not.
At the moment, I've been fighting depression. I am starting to wonder, however, if it is more than that, or an entirely different problem altogether. I just assumed it was depression, since the worst part of it all was the sadness, the unyielding unhappiness . . . But as I think back to my childhood, and then to my adolescence, I remember being more than just sad. I was . . . quirky, even WEIRD. What if it's a personality disorder I've been fighting all these years, and I just didn't know it?
I've been reading about schizotypal personality disorder recently, mostly trying to see if I could find a label for what my sibling's problems might be, but even though I didn't exactly identify with the symptoms, I wondered if some of my behaviors and personality quirks from prior to my "medicated life" might have been more markedly schizotypal or related to another disorder. I stop short of saying my belief in the paranormal is a symptom, mostly because I am so extremely skeptical. I believe in the possibility that energy can exist in some form after death, but I don't believe in demons, orbs, UFOs, SLI, or things like that. Even psychic powers I have a tough time with, since what people see could so often be mistaken hallucinations or psychotic delusions. I have at times felt I was psychic, when I was about 10-12 years old, but that was also at the height of my quirks and alienation from society. At that age, it was the first time I really remember wanting to die. I was so depressed day in and day out, nothing helped. I dressed differently (very geeky, in fact) and excelled in school, because I felt like I was supposed to, but also because I didn't have the distraction of friends or a social life. I believed I had psychic ability, that I could see ghosts. That's when I had my first paranormal experience, that I've been unable to shake my whole life. I wonder now if it was real. But the recordings and evidence I've gathered since then help to reinforce the belief, as well as meeting so many experts in the field out here in California. But that possibility it's "mental illness" that is responsible for that core belief still nags me.
I wonder if it was the situation that made me what I was, or if I was who I was. Even into college, as much as I wanted to make friends, I could say things that someone took the wrong way, not knowing how far to take a joke, not knowing exactly how someone would read something I said. Often I would come away from a situation with a different take than those around me. For example, I took a class where the professor took us to his home and to his studio as a sort of field trip. The idea was to show us how working artists lived and worked, what kinds of things he did to keep his office organized, software, etc. At the time, I remember being extremely annoyed that he had done this, thinking it was an overtly conceited gesture, showing us what a "big shot" he thought he was, and thinking his way was the best way . . . My boyfriend at the time (now husband) told me he thought it was just because he had access to his own studio and office, that it was easy, and it made sense. I blew off what he had said, thinking he just "didn't understand" the B.S. that existed in the art world, and therefore didn't know what he was talking about. But now that I think back, I think he was right. And I wonder if those kinds of events are common for schizotypals.
I'll discuss all of this with my mental health professionals. But it's been on my mind, so now it's on my blog. Time to find out what's wrong, so I can fix it. And maybe, by extension, my sibling. I worry so much that he/she isn't getting the help he/she needs. So I can only live by example, can't I?
At the moment, I've been fighting depression. I am starting to wonder, however, if it is more than that, or an entirely different problem altogether. I just assumed it was depression, since the worst part of it all was the sadness, the unyielding unhappiness . . . But as I think back to my childhood, and then to my adolescence, I remember being more than just sad. I was . . . quirky, even WEIRD. What if it's a personality disorder I've been fighting all these years, and I just didn't know it?
I've been reading about schizotypal personality disorder recently, mostly trying to see if I could find a label for what my sibling's problems might be, but even though I didn't exactly identify with the symptoms, I wondered if some of my behaviors and personality quirks from prior to my "medicated life" might have been more markedly schizotypal or related to another disorder. I stop short of saying my belief in the paranormal is a symptom, mostly because I am so extremely skeptical. I believe in the possibility that energy can exist in some form after death, but I don't believe in demons, orbs, UFOs, SLI, or things like that. Even psychic powers I have a tough time with, since what people see could so often be mistaken hallucinations or psychotic delusions. I have at times felt I was psychic, when I was about 10-12 years old, but that was also at the height of my quirks and alienation from society. At that age, it was the first time I really remember wanting to die. I was so depressed day in and day out, nothing helped. I dressed differently (very geeky, in fact) and excelled in school, because I felt like I was supposed to, but also because I didn't have the distraction of friends or a social life. I believed I had psychic ability, that I could see ghosts. That's when I had my first paranormal experience, that I've been unable to shake my whole life. I wonder now if it was real. But the recordings and evidence I've gathered since then help to reinforce the belief, as well as meeting so many experts in the field out here in California. But that possibility it's "mental illness" that is responsible for that core belief still nags me.
I wonder if it was the situation that made me what I was, or if I was who I was. Even into college, as much as I wanted to make friends, I could say things that someone took the wrong way, not knowing how far to take a joke, not knowing exactly how someone would read something I said. Often I would come away from a situation with a different take than those around me. For example, I took a class where the professor took us to his home and to his studio as a sort of field trip. The idea was to show us how working artists lived and worked, what kinds of things he did to keep his office organized, software, etc. At the time, I remember being extremely annoyed that he had done this, thinking it was an overtly conceited gesture, showing us what a "big shot" he thought he was, and thinking his way was the best way . . . My boyfriend at the time (now husband) told me he thought it was just because he had access to his own studio and office, that it was easy, and it made sense. I blew off what he had said, thinking he just "didn't understand" the B.S. that existed in the art world, and therefore didn't know what he was talking about. But now that I think back, I think he was right. And I wonder if those kinds of events are common for schizotypals.
I'll discuss all of this with my mental health professionals. But it's been on my mind, so now it's on my blog. Time to find out what's wrong, so I can fix it. And maybe, by extension, my sibling. I worry so much that he/she isn't getting the help he/she needs. So I can only live by example, can't I?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Good news, bad news . . .
Good news first? Yeah, what the hell. It's my lame attempt at optimism.
Okay, so I had some extremely-EXTREMELY-uncomfortable dental experiences in my youth. The guy was a true sadist, and not at all kind to children. Whether my mother knew about this, didn't believe me, or just couldn't do anything about it for monetary reasons is unknown to me. But it was like being tortured again and again and again as I had almost a dozen teeth pulled to get ready for braces. To this day, even the smell of Novocaine causes me pain in my gums, and that is not an exaggeration! So I already didn't like dentists, and avoided going if I could. In my early 20s, I had a good dentist who was very kind, but his hygienist was a bitch. So I would avoid going just to avoid her. But I still went on a semi-regular basis, even if it was every 1 1/2 to 2 years.
Lately, though--well, I've lived in 3 different cities in the last 6 years, had 7 different mailing addresses, and had a baby. Two close pets passed away. My husband got laid off. Financial uncertainty. So I didn't make time for the dentist. I admit it, but mistake. I did the best I could to take care of my teeth in spite of this, but I still knew I was putting off something really important. So, when my son got his first ever dental exam recently, I felt like I should set a good example and finally take care of that myself. So today was that appointment!
Let me say, if you have put this off, make sure you get your teeth cleaned soon! The hygienist scraped and clawed and grunted at my teeth harder than anyone ever has, and said, "You're making me work today!" in an exasperated tone. At that, I reminded her, "I'm not enjoying it very much, either!" She laughed, said that made it better . . . Hahaha! Still, she was nice about it, just said I'd waited too long, but she understood. At least I was there taking care of it now, you know what I mean?
But the good news is, my exam and x-rays were absolutely STELLAR! The dentist said he couldn't believe it had been that long since I had been out of dental care, and that my teeth were in the good shape they were in! Yea! I really needed the good news! Healthy teeth and gums!
I really needed the good news, because as I was having my enamel and gums scraped, my husband texted me to say he had gotten served court papers again. Yeah, the guy did it again. AB is back. At least it's still in small claims court. But here in California, the upper limit is $7500! That's kind of a lot for most people, and for a family on a single income, it's even more. Gonna study and be prepared again, hopefully it will turn out well. But that was not good news. Not at all. Although, I really expected it soon. So it wasn't a real surprise or anything.
On that note . . . Well, I'll end by saying life keeps coming at us, but we keep living. I've been doing my best to take care of business, get things under control, so I don't feel as much in chaos as I sometimes do. I'm always a work-in-progress, but at least I can say I'm progressing, right? Last time we got served court papers I panicked, cried, and generally freaked out, then pigged out on pizza. Not this time. And as I'm finding this out I'm at the dentist? Still didn't freak out? Proud of myself for that. Maybe I'm getting stronger. I like to think so.
Okay, so I had some extremely-EXTREMELY-uncomfortable dental experiences in my youth. The guy was a true sadist, and not at all kind to children. Whether my mother knew about this, didn't believe me, or just couldn't do anything about it for monetary reasons is unknown to me. But it was like being tortured again and again and again as I had almost a dozen teeth pulled to get ready for braces. To this day, even the smell of Novocaine causes me pain in my gums, and that is not an exaggeration! So I already didn't like dentists, and avoided going if I could. In my early 20s, I had a good dentist who was very kind, but his hygienist was a bitch. So I would avoid going just to avoid her. But I still went on a semi-regular basis, even if it was every 1 1/2 to 2 years.
Lately, though--well, I've lived in 3 different cities in the last 6 years, had 7 different mailing addresses, and had a baby. Two close pets passed away. My husband got laid off. Financial uncertainty. So I didn't make time for the dentist. I admit it, but mistake. I did the best I could to take care of my teeth in spite of this, but I still knew I was putting off something really important. So, when my son got his first ever dental exam recently, I felt like I should set a good example and finally take care of that myself. So today was that appointment!
Let me say, if you have put this off, make sure you get your teeth cleaned soon! The hygienist scraped and clawed and grunted at my teeth harder than anyone ever has, and said, "You're making me work today!" in an exasperated tone. At that, I reminded her, "I'm not enjoying it very much, either!" She laughed, said that made it better . . . Hahaha! Still, she was nice about it, just said I'd waited too long, but she understood. At least I was there taking care of it now, you know what I mean?
But the good news is, my exam and x-rays were absolutely STELLAR! The dentist said he couldn't believe it had been that long since I had been out of dental care, and that my teeth were in the good shape they were in! Yea! I really needed the good news! Healthy teeth and gums!
I really needed the good news, because as I was having my enamel and gums scraped, my husband texted me to say he had gotten served court papers again.
On that note . . . Well, I'll end by saying life keeps coming at us, but we keep living. I've been doing my best to take care of business, get things under control, so I don't feel as much in chaos as I sometimes do. I'm always a work-in-progress, but at least I can say I'm progressing, right? Last time we got served court papers I panicked, cried, and generally freaked out, then pigged out on pizza. Not this time. And as I'm finding this out I'm at the dentist? Still didn't freak out? Proud of myself for that. Maybe I'm getting stronger. I like to think so.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Flaky and Nutty
Since this is the only venue in which I have talked about this, where I can be as anonymous as I choose, I feel I can write about my court date today.
I want to say it went well, but nothing happened. The plaintiff did not show up. I'm not sure exactly why, but the case was dismissed without prejudice. If we had missed the court date, we'd have a judgment against us, and we'd have to show good cause to have missed the court date and have the judgment vacated. However, he can miss it completely, never show just cause, and file again. Doesn't seem fair. Maybe he just realized that he filed incorrectly, that he should have used his business name instead, and chose to be vindictive and make us show up to court. Maybe he's toying with us, harassing us in some way. It took a good deal of scheduling and coordinating to get us there, to get someone arranged to take my son to school, and get to court on time. I'm disgusted with him right now. Call him A.B. Well, A.B., we will still be prepared if you file again. We'll perhaps be even more prepared, if possible. Anything I can find, I will use.
I've also spoken with a friend of mine who claims to be more in touch with the spirit world than I. What an interesting conversation! I think I've always been in denial a bit about whether or not I possess certain abilities. I'm a skeptic, to say the least. And even though I believe in ghosts or paranormal activity or whatever you want to call it, I've had few experiences that I'm willing to call "paranormal" without a doubt. Most experiences I've had, I've doubted. But there are a few times in my life where I can't quite explain it away, and a couple of times where I felt I was getting messages.
I'm not sure, even in this anonymous environment, that I feel I can fully disclose these events. They are very personal, and they bring to mind moments of enormous grief in my life. I hesitate to dredge that up now, on a day when my emotions are so close to the surface. I can be general, though. Both of the "messages" I felt I was getting from the "spirit world," or whatever you want to call it, came right before someone close to me passed away. Within 48 hours of passing, actually. It felt like I was given a chance to say goodbye, but I wasn't sure. Now, years later, I'm sure. Recently, I've begun to feel some kind of "influence"--or something-- in my life. This conversation with a friend over coffee led me to believe I would feel cold if they were trying to tell me something. And when I was in the courtroom waiting for our case to be called, there was a chill over me the entire time. My husband said he never felt cold, and when I first walked in the courtroom, it felt warm. I could say it was my nerves or something, could keep denying this, but I could also consider the possibility that my "guides" were telling me it would be okay. It could be true, right? Maybe there are some kind of guides trying to help me in my journey, if I'll only hear them. Hmm. Makes me think. And life away from the crushing influence of religion in the South has only made me more spiritual, in a way. I've been leaning away for so long, so tired of hearing it all, so tired of everything being made to seem like God is out there, I was glad to move to a place where atheism isn't a bad word. I'm still an atheist, don't get me wrong, but I'm starting to think that just because there isn't an omnipotent force doesn't mean there can't be energy out there, something that lives after the body dies. From a scientific standpoint, it makes sense. And the energy could find a way to communicate, just not as clearly as a person can, since it's not complete energy. Complete as in "energy combined with a corporal form" that makes a person able to communicate the way they do.
I digress. Starting to ramble. It's been a rough week, to say the least. And I know the whole lawsuit thing isn't over, which doesn't help. But I'll be less nervous if we ever go back. That helps. I'll know what to expect and be waiting. And I've been homesick like you wouldn't believe. I've never wanted a pair of cowboy boots so bad in my life! LOL!! I really was never a fan, but somehow I want them like never before! Hahaha! Cavender's gift card, please! :D Okay, that's it. I'll be back in a better mood after this. The boy has a day off on Monday, and I've been looking forward to time off of all the schedules. Later!
I want to say it went well, but nothing happened. The plaintiff did not show up. I'm not sure exactly why, but the case was dismissed without prejudice. If we had missed the court date, we'd have a judgment against us, and we'd have to show good cause to have missed the court date and have the judgment vacated. However, he can miss it completely, never show just cause, and file again. Doesn't seem fair. Maybe he just realized that he filed incorrectly, that he should have used his business name instead, and chose to be vindictive and make us show up to court. Maybe he's toying with us, harassing us in some way. It took a good deal of scheduling and coordinating to get us there, to get someone arranged to take my son to school, and get to court on time. I'm disgusted with him right now. Call him A.B. Well, A.B., we will still be prepared if you file again. We'll perhaps be even more prepared, if possible. Anything I can find, I will use.
I've also spoken with a friend of mine who claims to be more in touch with the spirit world than I. What an interesting conversation! I think I've always been in denial a bit about whether or not I possess certain abilities. I'm a skeptic, to say the least. And even though I believe in ghosts or paranormal activity or whatever you want to call it, I've had few experiences that I'm willing to call "paranormal" without a doubt. Most experiences I've had, I've doubted. But there are a few times in my life where I can't quite explain it away, and a couple of times where I felt I was getting messages.
I'm not sure, even in this anonymous environment, that I feel I can fully disclose these events. They are very personal, and they bring to mind moments of enormous grief in my life. I hesitate to dredge that up now, on a day when my emotions are so close to the surface. I can be general, though. Both of the "messages" I felt I was getting from the "spirit world," or whatever you want to call it, came right before someone close to me passed away. Within 48 hours of passing, actually. It felt like I was given a chance to say goodbye, but I wasn't sure. Now, years later, I'm sure. Recently, I've begun to feel some kind of "influence"--or something-- in my life. This conversation with a friend over coffee led me to believe I would feel cold if they were trying to tell me something. And when I was in the courtroom waiting for our case to be called, there was a chill over me the entire time. My husband said he never felt cold, and when I first walked in the courtroom, it felt warm. I could say it was my nerves or something, could keep denying this, but I could also consider the possibility that my "guides" were telling me it would be okay. It could be true, right? Maybe there are some kind of guides trying to help me in my journey, if I'll only hear them. Hmm. Makes me think. And life away from the crushing influence of religion in the South has only made me more spiritual, in a way. I've been leaning away for so long, so tired of hearing it all, so tired of everything being made to seem like God is out there, I was glad to move to a place where atheism isn't a bad word. I'm still an atheist, don't get me wrong, but I'm starting to think that just because there isn't an omnipotent force doesn't mean there can't be energy out there, something that lives after the body dies. From a scientific standpoint, it makes sense. And the energy could find a way to communicate, just not as clearly as a person can, since it's not complete energy. Complete as in "energy combined with a corporal form" that makes a person able to communicate the way they do.
I digress. Starting to ramble. It's been a rough week, to say the least. And I know the whole lawsuit thing isn't over, which doesn't help. But I'll be less nervous if we ever go back. That helps. I'll know what to expect and be waiting. And I've been homesick like you wouldn't believe. I've never wanted a pair of cowboy boots so bad in my life! LOL!! I really was never a fan, but somehow I want them like never before! Hahaha! Cavender's gift card, please! :D Okay, that's it. I'll be back in a better mood after this. The boy has a day off on Monday, and I've been looking forward to time off of all the schedules. Later!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Grilling
Have a barbecue to go to this afternoon. It's with a couple my husband met through the internet, and their son loves our son. I'm kind of neutral on the parents. They seem nice enough, but they bicker, and the husband started to badmouth my hometown before I changed the subject. I hope I'm not being immature about it, but it's quite a turnoff when someone does that. It's not like we left home because we didn't like it, we left because we had job opportunities elsewhere. I still miss home like crazy. It's a great place to live and grow up, and quite frankly, my son is missing out by growing up here. But I digress . . .
So I'm not excited about going, but hopefully it will be fun anyway. Just watch the kids enjoy themselves. And tomorrow we have company coming over to our place. It's a couple and their 2 kids we feel a lot closer to--so far. We don't know them too well yet. But it's nice to meet some other southerners like us. It should be fun. I'm excited to have them over, for yet even more barbecue, and to have the boys play, especially since one of their boys seems like he might be gifted like my son is, and maybe they can relate well. And it's nice to have friends who "get" you, and who understand the whole marriage-kids dynamic that a lot of people I've met here just don't understand. Hopefully we'll get along, and hopefully we can become close, if it works out. I'm just hoping for some close friends here, finally.
So even though I qualify everything with potential for disappointment, I'm actually pretty optimistic. Looking forward to tomorrow and the potential for friendships. And my son has his pinewood derby going on with the cub scouts tomorrow, too, which he is excited about. He probably won't do well, since it was his first attempt at building a car, and it was a little bit light and the wheels are a bit crooked. But he's excited, and who knows? Maybe he will surprise us! Should be fun.
Next week is our court date, for the small claims case we are defendants in. Then WE will be grilled. At least it will finally be over, one way or another. Looking forward to the week after, honestly. Nervous as all heck. But then we'll know how broke we'll be. Could be worse, I suppose. Could have been regular court, instead of small claims. Could have had to pay over $1000 for medical bills last month. Maybe things will go our way? Still nervous, but trying to be realistic.
That's it for now. Lots of uncertainties, but potential for good things. That's good. Talk again. :)
So I'm not excited about going, but hopefully it will be fun anyway. Just watch the kids enjoy themselves. And tomorrow we have company coming over to our place. It's a couple and their 2 kids we feel a lot closer to--so far. We don't know them too well yet. But it's nice to meet some other southerners like us. It should be fun. I'm excited to have them over, for yet even more barbecue, and to have the boys play, especially since one of their boys seems like he might be gifted like my son is, and maybe they can relate well. And it's nice to have friends who "get" you, and who understand the whole marriage-kids dynamic that a lot of people I've met here just don't understand. Hopefully we'll get along, and hopefully we can become close, if it works out. I'm just hoping for some close friends here, finally.
So even though I qualify everything with potential for disappointment, I'm actually pretty optimistic. Looking forward to tomorrow and the potential for friendships. And my son has his pinewood derby going on with the cub scouts tomorrow, too, which he is excited about. He probably won't do well, since it was his first attempt at building a car, and it was a little bit light and the wheels are a bit crooked. But he's excited, and who knows? Maybe he will surprise us! Should be fun.
Next week is our court date, for the small claims case we are defendants in. Then WE will be grilled. At least it will finally be over, one way or another. Looking forward to the week after, honestly. Nervous as all heck.
That's it for now. Lots of uncertainties, but potential for good things. That's good. Talk again. :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
????
Yesterday was a weird day. It turns out, it was weird for everyone in my family. Well, immediate family. My son somehow got sent to the principal's office, they said because he threatened 2 other students, but I'm not sure if that's really how it happened. He's such a smart and sweet kid, and always feeling bad if he does something wrong, it was strange to hear he had done this. It might have been a horrible misunderstanding. Then my mood was weird, just pessimistic and dreary, more so than usual. My husband and I had watched Changeling the night before, the movie directed by Clint Eastwood that Angelina Jolie got rave reviews for. It was such a disturbing and frustrating film, it stuck with me up until morning, and then throughout the day. I kept thinking how difficult some things are to change, and how little some people seem to care. There is such a complacency about society, that few people act together to make things better. It hurts me sometimes when I think about that. How I know such horrible things are going on right now, that no one does anything about. That feeling lingered yesterday.
But so far today is better, I can safely say now that it's almost over. Doing laundry, my son is back to normal, and we'll see how the evening goes. So just hang in there, if anyone's reading this. I know I have very mercurial moods lately, but it's a difficult time for us. We're working through it.
But so far today is better, I can safely say now that it's almost over. Doing laundry, my son is back to normal, and we'll see how the evening goes. So just hang in there, if anyone's reading this. I know I have very mercurial moods lately, but it's a difficult time for us. We're working through it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)