Pick me up . . .

Know what's funny?  I am probably one of the few people in the world who does NOT enjoy soda or cola of any kind.  Really don't like it much.  I can easily pass it up.  I know people who are hooked on Diet Coke, and rarely drink anything else, even water!  But it really isn't any treat for me.  I can pass.  Coffee I like.  Tea now and then.  But not soda.

At the moment, though, I'm hooked on ginger ale!  Yum!  Maybe it's the ginger zing, I don't know!  :)  I really like ginger, and ginger lemonade is the best!  I found I like the Jamaican style ginger ale more than regular Canada Dry, but I'll take it anyway!  :)  Just something that's been a little pick me up lately.

Other than that, I'm pretty friggin' lonely.  Waiting for some new friendships to build on.  But I'm also nervous about jumping in and opening myself up for more disappointment and putting my son through emotional commitments that don't pan out.  It's hard for him because he makes friends with MY friends, and it's sad when they disappear.  He doesn't get it, why mommy just thinks someone is nuts and needs to be out of our lives.  So when my most recent close friend decided she was angry at me for something I didn't do, I was fine with it.  Good, bye-bye.  Not to say our friendship hadn't meant anything to me, because that's not true.  But she had made me feel like I was never good enough, and for someone with low self-esteem, that's never good.  Just made me feel good long enough for her to take her frustrations out on me, then apologize enough to do it all over again.  When I finally got out from under that spell, I was relieved to say the least.  But now I want to be careful when choosing someone to build a friendship with, and I know it's hard to do that in such a technical, non-emotional manner.  I just can't take "crazy" right now.  Crazy as I might be, I'm all I can handle right now.

I used to think I related to people with mental problems more than "regular" people.  But I've since recognized that probably EVERYONE has some sort of mental problem, some just aren't diagnosed, and some are probably just not severe enough to interfere with their normal functioning.  So that former distinction doesn't seem to apply right now.  I just need to find people to bring close to me who don't bring me down but build me up.  I'm at a state where I need to do some serious healing.  And I've put myself off way too long.

Thanks for reading.