Adjustments

I don't always find myself talking about good things that happen in my life.  I'm not completely sure why, but maybe it comes from a fear that people will think I'm trying to make them jealous, or just the fact that I lack a positive outlook on life.  But I need to focus more on the happy events that make life livable, know what I mean?

So, I feel bad that I haven't blogged about this before, but about 5 days ago my family adopted a new member of the family!  He's a sweet little chihuahua-dachshund mix, rescued from the animal shelter as a stray.  He's under a year old, but not quite a puppy.  Very energetic at times, but much quieter than my Pomeranian!  Hahahaha!  He's a cutie.  I'll post a pic next time I blog, since I don't have any on my computer right now.  But he has an amazingly complicated expression sometimes, like he's imagining himself in another world or something.  Just staring out the window or through the backyard gate seems like a porthole to a fantastical journey.  Other times, he has the naivete of a baby.  Just a bee flying through the air will puzzle him, and reflections in shiny objects surprise him and catch him off guard.  He wakes up in the best mood, tail-wagging and bouncy.  Maybe he dreamed of being back in the shelter or on the street, and awoke to the good news of having a real home.  I wonder sometimes.  He already learned his name, the clever boy:  Quincy.

The house is a little lighter with him here, making my other dog less lonely, and giving me something positive to focus on and enjoy, most of the time.  My medications are being adjusted, honestly.  We'll find out where to go from here, in that regard.  But it's a process, so in the meantime I'm moody and introverted.  Hopefully that will change soon.  I've been losing weight as well, but slowly.  At least I'm losing.  And I'm eating much healthier, fresher foods, and a mix of fruits and vegetables like I have never eaten.  Lots of home cooking, for a change.  And vegetarian meals, not really thinking about it.  I feel good about the changes, and I'm not really missing anything since I've added so many new things to my menu.  And I know I can have anything I want, as long as I control the rest of my meals that week, and as long as I don't do it as often as I was before.  Only one cupcake as opposed to the four or more I would have eaten in a day before.  Yep, I was out of control with food. 

So, good things happening, even though my mood isn't there yet.  At least I didn't wait for my depression to lift completely before making these changes, since I could have been waiting forever.  I am trying not to let it determine my life.  It takes effort on a daily basis.  Extreme effort.  But I am doing it, most of the time.

Namaste . . .

I've been doing yoga pretty consistently now (for me) for about 3 or so months.  There was a week in there where my mother-in-law came to visit, and a week where I was sick that kept me from having a perfect record, but I've been as consistent as possible.  I supplement with protein and try to limit fatty foods, which is extremely difficult for me sometimes.  But I've noticed some benefits in a relatively short period of time.

My strength and flexibility have improved, for one.  I was feeling a bit aged there for a while, I have to admit.  And my knees had been bothering me on long investigations outdoors, when I had to go up and down hills a lot.  But now my knees feel great!  I can hardly believe how little effort it has taken me, and how little motivation I need to get started in the morning.  I actually look forward to it.  And I guess that is the key, isn't it?  Finding something that suits YOU, specifically.  Most yoga workouts I found were too easy, and I didn't see much benefit from doing them.  But the new one is tough tough tough tough tough.  I still like it, though, and I can still convince myself to do it in the morning, which are good characteristics for a workout. 

Probably the best and most notable benefit for me is that my resting heart rate has dropped dramatically.  Not long ago, I had a doctor tell me they were considering medications for me.  My resting heart rate wandered from between 90 to 110.  It didn't matter how relaxed I was, how low the stress was, or anything.  I was just unhealthy, to put a fine point on the matter.  I was working my way to an early grave.  It scared me, but I just couldn't motivate myself enough to do anything about it.  Sometimes I am keenly aware that the old me is still lurking inside, and hopefully she doesn't show herself again, not while I'm doing so well. 

I like seeing muscles become more defined, my posture become more upright, and my color turn healthier.  I hope I don't slip back into my old patterns.  That is a thought that frightens me.  I'm not good at dealing with change, apparently.  As long as nothing changes, I'll be able to keep my routine.  But when things go haywire, when I need the exercise, stress relief, and health benefits the most, I fail. 

So, just in case you were wondering, I'm doing the Biggest Loser Workout:  Weight Loss Yoga DVD.  It's awesome.  I can do the entire hour-long workout now.  I feel so strong, knowing what I can do now.  I remember when I first started the DVD program, and I couldn't even finish the first 30 minutes.  They were so HARD!  I had to stop and take breaks, I felt shaky and weak, and I could barely catch my breath the entire time.  What a difference after 2 weeks, when I never thought I'd be able to add the level 2 workout, I was doing it!  Not always the best the first time, but after I week, I had the hang of it.  I'll never forget the level of accomplishment I felt when I finished the whole hour for the first time!  Wow!  Now I can do the entire hour on a regular basis.

I'm still a bit chunky, I have to say.  Not the heaviest I've ever been, but not quite in the healthy range.  I have some work to do.  But at least I have a little ammunition now.  I don't have a beach body by any means.  But I can keep up with my son better, and I can walk without excruciating pain.  I'm a winner even if the weight never leaves, mostly because I'm healthier and stronger.